Tropical storm Alberto is currently menacing the Gulf coast of Florida. Fox News and other news outlets are keeping us all abreast of the developing crisis.
Winds of up to 35 miles per hour are forecast, as well as possibly as much as six inches of rain.
In related news, umbrella availability is dwindling across the state, and Sade and Barry White CDs are reportedly in dangerously short supply. The popularity of "Alberto" as a baby name is said to be skyrocketing, despite record sales of Trojan and Lifestyle prophylactics.