Friday, March 08, 2002

Spring Blues?

Okay, here's a weird one. Does anyone else out there get those "geez, Spring is just around the corner; here I am with nobody to shake my groove thang with, but little gumption to go out and find someone" feelings?

Yep, that's me today. Despite (thanks to?) it being a beautiful sunny day outside, I'm bummin'. I've got the weekend yawning in front of me, forecast to be equally beautiful if not moreso, and I'm just not looking forward to it. But if it's gorgeous out, I should be enjoying it, right? Well, it gets tougher if your only options are A) walking the dogs (can't really lose myself in the sunny goodness, because they'll take the opportunity of any lapse in concentration to lunge at a duck, crap on a toddler or scarf the leavings of the dog who passed this way ten minutes ago) and B) going it alone, which just builds the melancholy in me, because taking beautiful walks alone just reinforces the alone-ness of the situation. Sometimes this can be good, but lately it's been not-so-good, because this whole "single" thing is getting very, very old.

Problem is, I'm feeling an oblique kinship with people-hating Mary, not so much in terms of hating people, but in terms of just not feeling inclined to do anything that will get me around other human beings. Classes at the local college? Naw. Dance classes/clubs? Not interested any more. Live music? Okay, but striking up any real conversation is a bitch. Hang out at a bar? Whatever. Public dogwalking? Covered that.

I'm simply much more inclined to sit down with a book, watch a movie, write, take a long drive or start some sort of around-the-apartment project than any of the above. We can talk about comfort zones and risk-taking and growth and all that till we're blue in the face, but when I do what feels natural for me I just don't meet people. Am I broken somehow? Aren't humans supposed to be naturally gregarious? Shouldn't the prospect of a long lonely weekend fill me with the urge to get around other people and avoid the problem?



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