Per gigglechick, I sloped over to Emode.com and took a few tests.
Apparently I'm a Renaissance Man and want a Bad Girl. Who knew?
I'd also be a Basset Hound if I were canine, should be dating Cameron Diaz, vanilla if I were a flavor, was a turtle in a past life (?), have a crimson aura (earthly pleasures and instant gratification), and my superpower is animal communication.
Well, I feel better. Another blow struck in the assault on ambiguity. ;-)